If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
