The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
