you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
