fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We got so high we made milksteak
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
