i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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