I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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