two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
