If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize