So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
