Kiss
Puke
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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