at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
