he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
