make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
