New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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