I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
