And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
