Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
