I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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