totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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