Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
