I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
