Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
