they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
