Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
