haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
