worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
