my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
