I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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