The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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