I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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