anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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