i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
