these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize