Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
