I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
