things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
