I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize