you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's great music for shaving your balls
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
