Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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