We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
