it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
