everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
