I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
