We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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