just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
