I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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