Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize