He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
