shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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