I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
