Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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