I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
