I am full of burrito and curiosity
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
