I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
