i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
