i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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