Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
