I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
