god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
