dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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