This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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