K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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