I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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