He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
