I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
