I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
