Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
